Love Notes

Healing after a breakup before you date again

Jumping back in too soon can repeat old pain. Here's how to know you're ready.

By Coach KJ Mensah, founder of AfroDuo and relationship coach

After a breakup, it's tempting to find someone new quickly to stop the hurt. But unhealed pain usually follows you into the next relationship.

Feel it fully

Let yourself grieve. Cry, talk to friends, pray, write it down. Pushing feelings away only delays them.

Look honestly at your part

Not to blame yourself, but to learn. What would you do differently? What did you ignore?

Rebuild your life

Reconnect with friends, hobbies and goals that got pushed aside. A full life makes you a better partner.

Signs you're ready

• You can talk about your ex without strong anger or longing.
• You're curious about someone new, not trying to replace someone old.
• You'd be okay staying single a while longer.

Healing takes the time it takes. When you date again from a whole place, you choose better.