Love Notes

Have standards, not walls

Standards protect your heart. Walls keep everyone out, including the right person.

By Coach KJ Mensah, founder of AfroDuo and relationship coach

After being hurt, many of us build walls and call them standards. They're not the same thing.

Standards are about values

Honesty, kindness, faith, commitment. These protect you from the wrong people.

Walls are about fear

Refusing to open up, testing people constantly, expecting the worst. These push away the right people too.

Check your list

Look at what you're asking for. Are you looking for character, or for a perfect checklist of height, income and job title? Character lasts.

Let people earn trust

You don't have to trust everyone immediately. But give people a fair chance to show who they are.

Know your worth, keep your standards, and leave a door open. The right person will walk through it.