Love Notes

How to start a conversation with a new match

A plain "Hi" rarely gets a reply. Here is how to send a first message that starts a real conversation.

By Coach KJ Mensah, founder of AfroDuo and relationship coach

You matched. Now what? The first message sets the tone, and a little effort goes a long way.

Use their profile

Mention something specific: a photo, an answer, where they're from. "You're from Kumasi too? Which part?" beats "Hey beautiful" every time.

Ask an open question

Questions that can't be answered with yes or no keep things moving. "What's the best meal you've had this year?" works better than "Do you like food?"

Keep it light at first

Save the deep topics for later. Early messages should feel easy and warm.

Don't write an essay

Two or three sentences is plenty. Leave room for them to respond.

Move to a call

After a few good exchanges, suggest a voice or video call. You'll learn more in ten minutes of talking than in days of texting.